Some 230 odd years ago a boy was born. His birth was seen as scandalous and not befitting what was expected of his father. That he was born out of wedlock didn't make the situation any easier, and his parents separated when he was about 6 years old. His mother consequently returned to her people, and for the next few years, she and her 2 children, the boy and his sister, found themselves subject to daily taunts and humiliations. They eventually found shelter with a small clan. It was with the small clan that the boy would meet someone who would shape not only his life but that of many others.
When the boy's father rejected his mother, he by extension also rejected his son. In fact, when he'd heard that the boy's mother was pregnant, the story is that the boy's father suggested that his mother was not pregnant, but was rather suffering from a certain ailment. And it was this thoughtless response that led to the boy being given the name Shaka, because his father, Senzangakhona kaJama had said his mother, Nandi of Elangeni, had ishaka. Shaka grew to be the visionary, transformer, and leader that would see him transform a clan of about 2000 odd people to the vast amaZulu we know of today.
In the present day there are countless stories like that of Shaka. These stories are not of triumph, bravery, conquest, determination and leadership. Instead, these are stories that are marked and shaped by abandonment, and an endemic a state of fatherlessness or absent fathers. While poverty and developmental challenges also play a role in fatherlessness, and have in turn contributed to boys being raised by single moms who are parenting the best way they know how, the absence of fathers has led to some of the problems we face in society today. The resentment and loneliness children feel due to having an absent father are perhaps why we have more than 60% of children in South Africa growing up in a fatherless home.
Like Shaka, the children of today have fathers who are alive but are not present in their lives. The extent of the psychological effects on the children is often overlooked. In fact the case of Shaka is a great example of this. When people celebrate his life and contribution, they very seldom talk about the unhealthy circumstances that he grew up in. Instead, these circumstances are conveniently overshadowed by his achievements - a deliberate erasure of an unnecessary reality that has been normalised in present day society. Out of his dire circumstances, and with the help of a father figure and mentor in Dingiswayo, Shaka went on to make something of himself. But what of the many other children who may not have such a figure in their lives, how do they turn out?
There is a lot wrong with the ongoing vicious cycle of men who never had present fathers and do not know what it means to take responsibility. One of many great lessons we can learn from Shaka is to lead from the front. This means not being afraid to stick our necks out as men. We need to be okay with being exposed, with being vulnerable. And for this we need to be courageous. As we practice facing our problems we learn that while we can delegate responsibility, we cannot escape accountability.
