I am a troubled lover

Without conscious choice, I have been in deep reflection for a number of years. I have been reflecting because I am troubled by how to love better.  I can trace this trouble to many years ago. Back then, I had framed it as trying to understand what a life well lived is.

Love has been a continuous theme in my life. I learned early in my adult life that love is my greatest strength. More importantly, I learned that even in my broken self, I am love. I've pondered what it means  to love my wife, son, family, relatives, neighbours, community and the world at large - and how to do this really well. I've danced in the multiple shades of love and have had moments where I felt that I fully grasped it. And there have been many moments where I have acted in ways that show I have not. And so the dance continues.

And with the river of life and time forever flowing I have learned to be. To be in life. To be in love. To be in the moment. It has been a journey of learning, and a lot of unlearning. I have struggled to grasp the many contradictions in my life and in the world - to love myself despite the flaws I observe in me, to reconcile the wrong with the right, and move beyond good intentions to meaningful engagement.

I am grateful for life. Without it I wouldn't have this trouble.