I am a troubled lover

Without conscious choice, I have been in deep reflection for a number of years. I have been reflecting because I am troubled by how to love better.  I can trace this trouble to many years ago. Back then, I had framed it as trying to understand what a life well lived is.

Love has been a continuous theme in my life. I learned early in my adult life that love is my greatest strength. More importantly, I learned that even in my broken self, I am love. I've pondered what it means  to love my wife, son, family, relatives, neighbours, community and the world at large - and how to do this really well. I've danced in the multiple shades of love and have had moments where I felt that I fully grasped it. And there have been many moments where I have acted in ways that show I have not. And so the dance continues.

And with the river of life and time forever flowing I have learned to be. To be in life. To be in love. To be in the moment. It has been a journey of learning, and a lot of unlearning. I have struggled to grasp the many contradictions in my life and in the world - to love myself despite the flaws I observe in me, to reconcile the wrong with the right, and move beyond good intentions to meaningful engagement.

I am grateful for life. Without it I wouldn't have this trouble.

Mother

Mayelana nokushayana ngenduku

Kulenyanga edlule I came across a post condemning Mampintsha for what he had done to uBabes. The post went on to say abantu besifazane abangashaywa, and that it is better ukubashaya ngenye induku.
Even though I agree that akumukelekile ukushaya abesifazane noma ingaphansi kwasiphi isimo, I had agreed ukuthi abashaywe ngenye induku for the longest of time. But this time around, something in me was in disagreement with the latter.After some thinking, I disagree with this sentiment because it justifies, by implication, that "ukushaya" owesifazane in a certain way is okay. At face value it sounds okay ukuthi abesifazane bashaywe ngenye induku, but it really isn't.
It objectifies the female body as something that you can "fix" ngokuthi uvele uyithele induku. This also carries in it an implication that it is alright to address problems ngenduku (metaphoric or not) without addressing issues differently. It also carries in it a certain level of entitlement, that it is acceptable to address issues concerning another person without consulting them - an infantilisation of women perhaps. I think this is informed by the power that men carry in society, but angikho lapho njengamanje (kubalulekile ukuliveza leli phuzu).
I also think that this is perhaps how abanye bethu reinforce harmful ways of being without having the consciousness of what the impact of how we act and what we say is on others. So ngithi asingabashayi abesifazane jikelele. Kunalokho ake sizinike isikhathi sokufunisisa ukuthi singenza kangcono kanjani njengabantu besilisa. Lento youkubuka kanye nokuphatha abantu besifazane njengabantu abafanele ukushaywa ngolunye uhlobo inodlame.
Wena ubona kanjani? Please share your thoughts, let's talk.

Picture by Vera Arsic

The beast

We appear stuck; freeing ourselves from all that binds and blots our existence. To numb our senses from this reality we engage in frivolity, believing the lies we've made our own in an attempt to hold on to hope. We've laboured in darkness and have watched the darkness fade. We hold on to the memory of those who have gone before us. Like a flower, their existence has thrived and succumbed perennially.

Their existence has not been in vain for they have forced our eyes skyward as if following a shooting star. In repeatedly appearing to us they have given us an opportunity to read the very stars that they shoot through. They have allowed us to see that dark is the hour, and that nearer draws the dawn of a new day. Their existence, short lived as it is, has awakened and provoked the beast. Consequently the beast in its awakening, has given humanity a chance to outwit it for it has unveiled itself.

The unveiling of the beast is necessary for the liberation of the soul. It is also just one aspect of liberation. Many, after the beast has been unveiled, are paralysed by the unveiled image of the beast and hail themselves conscious. They confirm the existence of the beast but lack the ability to express its existence. They accept the beast's existence among them and dare not confront it.

Once the beast has been unveiled it follows that it be slain, with any means necessary. The slaying of the beast appears to be a great challenge because a vast majority have accepted it's existence among the people, and in turn defende the beast. Due to their sheer determination in protecting the beast, the beast has been asleep and has its spell on the vast majority work for it while it slumbers.

A few have dared go against the vast majority and have been freed of the beast's spell. These few have paid  the ultimate price, and in return have tasted liberation. Their efforts demonstrated selflessness. They dared to confront the beast, and in so doing came to the realisation that their life is a gift to humanity, and that slaying the beast is the liberation of all humanity.

May the Lord who is paramount chief of all grant that these few inspire more to confront the beast, and ultimately compel it to unveil itself; for in its unveiling, dreadfully fearful with shuddering might, it shall be slain.

Mother

Mother,

I am in love with you.

You gave me life,

Nursed and held me in your bosom

And comforted me in times of distress.
I  am eternally grateful for you,

And your unending love.

Mother,

How I long to make you happy,

To wipe away all your pain,

And make you smile.

Life has been difficult to you.

You've had to take a back seat

When it really should be you driving

You have endured much suffering,

Simply because of your womanhood.

I feel your strength in my being,

It encourages me to face the world.

Mother,

I'm a man today.

I'm ashamed of what I've become.

I'm no longer the innocent son you held.

I'm now part of the group that tells you you're not good enough,

Part of the lot that wants you to be subservient.

I smile with those who have no respect for you,

I eat with those who murder you -

All for acceptance into the fragile club called manhood,

All for ego and power.

Mother,

I honour you.

I am a husband today,

And I'm learning to do better.

I will forever remain your son,

And stand with you to face life

And it's continued barrage of your womanhood.

I am comforted in this lonely place I find myself in,

knowing very well that you've stood tall and proud in the midst of great adversity.

Mother,

I am blessed to be your son.

Umcabango ngomhlaba nabesifazane

I realized that umhlaba mubi when a friend said "asingalwi nabelungu namhlanje" as we were meeting up. Inkinga kwakungesiwo amazwi akhe, kodwa isimo sempilo abantu abamnyama abaphila ngaphansi kwaso eNingizimu Afrika entsha. What my friend was saying is that he had enough of confronting racism each time we went out. Phela standing up to racism on a daily basis is exhausting. Ngiyakutshela wena, abelungu abezwa mshini. Uma uveza ukuthi banobandlululo ungazithola sewugcine uxolisile ngenxa yokuveza lokhu. 

Lokhu singakufanisa nabantu besifazane, ikakhulu laba ababizwa ngamafeminist. Bahlala besikhumbuza ukuthi abesifazane basacindezeleke kanjani kodwa asifuni ukubezwa, ngoba asifuni ukushintsha. I once wrote an article on how the biggest beneficiaries of virginity testing were men. In this article I tried to highlight how the justification of such practices happened within a patriarchal framing of society. Ingcindezi abantu besifazane abangaphansi kwayo emakhaya, emisebenzini, kuma-relationship abo kanye nabesilisa, emphakathini wonkana, engalweni yomthetho; yenza babenolaka. Ulaka lwabo silushaya indiva ngoba sithi banesicefe, sithi ba-emotional. Siyahluleka ukubezwa uma bekhala. We get caught up in tone-policicing that we don't hear what they are raising. Lalela, ayikho indlela enhle yokufa. Uma ubhekene nokufa wenza noma yini ukuze ukugweme. When you are dying you do anything to keep your life. The same logic can be be applied in understanding Black women's experiences and expressions in present day South Africa. 

Lokhu kusho ukuthini? 

Akufanele ukuthi siyeke ukulwa nobandlululo. The fight to do away with white supremacy must be continued vigorously. We cannot allow ourselves to internalize the inhumane behavior we receive ezandleni zabamhlophe. Lokhu kusenza siphathe abesifazane ngesihluku esifana naleso abelungu abasiphethe ngaso. Asiyeke ukudicilela phansi izinhlangano zabantu besifazane ezifana nefeminist movement, ngoba uma senza njalo, sizibuyisela emuva. Kufanele sikhumbule ukuthi uma sifuna inkululeko then we should all be black feminists.

Abantu besifazane abamnyama kufanele sibadedele kube yibona abasitshengisa indlela eya enkululekweni, njengoba benza ngama-1950s. Kufanele amaphimbo abo kube iwona alalelwayo ukuze noma ikuphi esikwenzayo okuyimizamo yenkululeko, sikwenze ngendlela ezokwenza lonke ilunga lo mphakathi lihlomule ngokulinganayo ezinhlelweni zokuletha ushintsho nentuthuko. Black women are the best people to lead the fight against racism and sexism, because they are the most affected group. We must follow their lead if we are to win this fight. Any efforts of leading society towards emancipation that does not embody the needs of Black women are counter-revolutionary.

Yebo, umhlaba mubi. Kodwa akupheli lapho. Thina esiphilayo sinenselelo ukuthi mhla sifa, sife ikhona indima noma igalelo esibenalo ekwenzeni ukuthi umhlaba ube indawo engcono.

Demystifying Race

The premise upon which differences between races of human beings are said to exist, that human beings can be classed into four or five divisions in consequence of complexion is flawed. This flaw has resulted in great confusion and has made human beings see themselves as more different than they are similar. The world has, over the centuries, adopted a definition of race based on the physical appearance of human beings. This definition has been maintained and often used to back the science of discrimination against the people of colour, with a special focus on black people. This prejudice continues to be at the core of interactions between the people of South Africa. 

In an attempt to overcome this prejudice I have sometimes thought it progressive to reject my blackness and to adopt a non-racial identity. The universal declaration of human rights has cushioned me in this pursuit while the idea of a rainbow nation has filled me with hope of unity. Through an ongoing pondering upon my blackness I have understood, sometimes with great difficulty, that there is an ideological force waging against black people the world over; and that by virtue of being born black, I am often at the receiving end. 

In South Africa it has become common practice to suggest that black people should forget the past and embrace the future as a response to their cries about the prevalence of apartheid through its legacy. As a black person, this translates into shedding one’s blackness as a means to overcome the imbalances of the past; to get over apartheid and “get with the program”. This is in stark contrast to my reality where there is no space in South Africa that I can step into without being reminded of my blackness.  While in the past my blackness made those of my kind to endure gross discrimination, my blackness continues to be a thorny issue in present day South Africa. My kind are said to be reverse racists. It is an encouraged proposal – this shedding or rejection of my blackness and instant colour blindness. It is designed to make me fit in, to be accepted in so-called ‘white’ spaces. Remarks such as “you speak so well” and “you are not like the others” are evidence that you are making progress in shedding your blackness. It is further reinforced through subliminal messages on the television that promote whiteness. 

The emergence of the black middle class is the ultimate ace in the sleeve as it rubber stamps the idea of an integrated society, perpetuated by a false understanding of race. It allows those who benefited from the past an opportunity to rid themselves of the guilt and privilege.  Furthermore, for political reasons, the use of racial categories in the process of designing policies and strategies for a non-racist society is problematic if no consideration is given to more fundamental questions about its efficiency for ongoing social analysis. This approach has shown the impact of racist practices as a factor in understanding South African society post 1994; but does not acknowledge that the majority of the people continue to be victims of apartheid’s legacy.

In an attempt to get a better sense of socio-economic interactions between blacks and whites, and simultaneously shed light on better race relations in post-apartheid South Africa, one needs to point out that the real problem in South Africa since the advent of democracy is an economic one. The African National Congress-led government has adopted an approach to race that has resulted in no revolutionary change in the economic structure of South Africa since apartheid in 1948, and in that a few blacks are now in the privileged class thereby creating the illusion of racial integration. It also needs to be said that as a consequence of apartheid, most black people are subject to poverty. This further makes complex the distinction between the economic and racial nature of the struggle between blacks and whites.

The realization that we are united in race can be a great starting point to address the economic disparities that exist between black and white. To label incidences between black and white people as racially charged is but a symptomatic treatment of the economic problem. Pretending that the new faces of government have brought about real and meaningful change in the lives of the ordinary people needs to stop because it maintains and protects white privilege.