Of legends

I smiled when he said, "the future is in our hands", thinking to myself that there was nothing in those hardened hands. Somehow his words lingered on my for mind many moons thereafter. Each time they floated in my mind, as if they were a chant that cast me into a restless state of mind. It has been five years since that day.

Who was he?

Who is he?

My grandfather remains one of my most favourite people. He is late, but he still lives on in my memory. He lives.

His life story is one that leaves me smiling every time I hear about it or whenever something reminds me of him. He was a self-made man. He had no formal schooling but could articulate wise and carefully-considered thoughts and reflections. What really made him so loveable was his humility. He remains a great embodiment of being a family man. I think this is what made him a great man that he was.

My grandfather was a sangoma. He would often relate how difficult the path to him becoming isangoma was. In my young mind I remember wondering what could be difficult about learning how to use the herbs to heal ailments . Perhaps these thoughts were a result of what I had come to learn through a particular understanding of Christianity and westernisation, and how both shun the practice of ubungoma. For the great part of my adult life I have had inner conflict about this. A wrestle of self between what I was generally expected to be through a Christian and westernised society and a becoming and acceptance that I didn't know who I really was or coming to be. The polarisation between cultural beliefs and customs, and Christianity and westernisation was something I have tried to confront in a bid for enlightenment. This has been and continues to be a struggle.

I have felt so many emotions; from the helplessness at not knowing who or what you are, despair at not knowing where you come from, the futility of life in not knowing what your purpose is, the hope that sustains when the picture seems to come into focus, and to the unexplainable joy that stirs deep in one's belly when the universe assured you that you belong.

My grandfather taught me to treat everybody with love; a lesson I am learning to this day. I wish every child could have an experience with a loved one like I had with my grandfather. He was an embodiment of ubuntu, a true son of Afrika. His hands were hardened by love and sacrificed, and as such, I never felt their hardness because of the love in the human that carried them.

I am a troubled lover

Without conscious choice, I have been in deep reflection for a number of years. I have been reflecting because I am troubled by how to love better.  I can trace this trouble to many years ago. Back then, I had framed it as trying to understand what a life well lived is.

Love has been a continuous theme in my life. I learned early in my adult life that love is my greatest strength. More importantly, I learned that even in my broken self, I am love. I've pondered what it means  to love my wife, son, family, relatives, neighbours, community and the world at large - and how to do this really well. I've danced in the multiple shades of love and have had moments where I felt that I fully grasped it. And there have been many moments where I have acted in ways that show I have not. And so the dance continues.

And with the river of life and time forever flowing I have learned to be. To be in life. To be in love. To be in the moment. It has been a journey of learning, and a lot of unlearning. I have struggled to grasp the many contradictions in my life and in the world - to love myself despite the flaws I observe in me, to reconcile the wrong with the right, and move beyond good intentions to meaningful engagement.

I am grateful for life. Without it I wouldn't have this trouble.

Mother

Mayelana nokushayana ngenduku

Kulenyanga edlule I came across a post condemning Mampintsha for what he had done to uBabes. The post went on to say abantu besifazane abangashaywa, and that it is better ukubashaya ngenye induku.
Even though I agree that akumukelekile ukushaya abesifazane noma ingaphansi kwasiphi isimo, I had agreed ukuthi abashaywe ngenye induku for the longest of time. But this time around, something in me was in disagreement with the latter.After some thinking, I disagree with this sentiment because it justifies, by implication, that "ukushaya" owesifazane in a certain way is okay. At face value it sounds okay ukuthi abesifazane bashaywe ngenye induku, but it really isn't.
It objectifies the female body as something that you can "fix" ngokuthi uvele uyithele induku. This also carries in it an implication that it is alright to address problems ngenduku (metaphoric or not) without addressing issues differently. It also carries in it a certain level of entitlement, that it is acceptable to address issues concerning another person without consulting them - an infantilisation of women perhaps. I think this is informed by the power that men carry in society, but angikho lapho njengamanje (kubalulekile ukuliveza leli phuzu).
I also think that this is perhaps how abanye bethu reinforce harmful ways of being without having the consciousness of what the impact of how we act and what we say is on others. So ngithi asingabashayi abesifazane jikelele. Kunalokho ake sizinike isikhathi sokufunisisa ukuthi singenza kangcono kanjani njengabantu besilisa. Lento youkubuka kanye nokuphatha abantu besifazane njengabantu abafanele ukushaywa ngolunye uhlobo inodlame.
Wena ubona kanjani? Please share your thoughts, let's talk.

Picture by Vera Arsic

The beast

We appear stuck; freeing ourselves from all that binds and blots our existence. To numb our senses from this reality we engage in frivolity, believing the lies we've made our own in an attempt to hold on to hope. We've laboured in darkness and have watched the darkness fade. We hold on to the memory of those who have gone before us. Like a flower, their existence has thrived and succumbed perennially.

Their existence has not been in vain for they have forced our eyes skyward as if following a shooting star. In repeatedly appearing to us they have given us an opportunity to read the very stars that they shoot through. They have allowed us to see that dark is the hour, and that nearer draws the dawn of a new day. Their existence, short lived as it is, has awakened and provoked the beast. Consequently the beast in its awakening, has given humanity a chance to outwit it for it has unveiled itself.

The unveiling of the beast is necessary for the liberation of the soul. It is also just one aspect of liberation. Many, after the beast has been unveiled, are paralysed by the unveiled image of the beast and hail themselves conscious. They confirm the existence of the beast but lack the ability to express its existence. They accept the beast's existence among them and dare not confront it.

Once the beast has been unveiled it follows that it be slain, with any means necessary. The slaying of the beast appears to be a great challenge because a vast majority have accepted it's existence among the people, and in turn defende the beast. Due to their sheer determination in protecting the beast, the beast has been asleep and has its spell on the vast majority work for it while it slumbers.

A few have dared go against the vast majority and have been freed of the beast's spell. These few have paid  the ultimate price, and in return have tasted liberation. Their efforts demonstrated selflessness. They dared to confront the beast, and in so doing came to the realisation that their life is a gift to humanity, and that slaying the beast is the liberation of all humanity.

May the Lord who is paramount chief of all grant that these few inspire more to confront the beast, and ultimately compel it to unveil itself; for in its unveiling, dreadfully fearful with shuddering might, it shall be slain.

Mother

Mother,

I am in love with you.

You gave me life,

Nursed and held me in your bosom

And comforted me in times of distress.
I  am eternally grateful for you,

And your unending love.

Mother,

How I long to make you happy,

To wipe away all your pain,

And make you smile.

Life has been difficult to you.

You've had to take a back seat

When it really should be you driving

You have endured much suffering,

Simply because of your womanhood.

I feel your strength in my being,

It encourages me to face the world.

Mother,

I'm a man today.

I'm ashamed of what I've become.

I'm no longer the innocent son you held.

I'm now part of the group that tells you you're not good enough,

Part of the lot that wants you to be subservient.

I smile with those who have no respect for you,

I eat with those who murder you -

All for acceptance into the fragile club called manhood,

All for ego and power.

Mother,

I honour you.

I am a husband today,

And I'm learning to do better.

I will forever remain your son,

And stand with you to face life

And it's continued barrage of your womanhood.

I am comforted in this lonely place I find myself in,

knowing very well that you've stood tall and proud in the midst of great adversity.

Mother,

I am blessed to be your son.

Umcabango ngomhlaba nabesifazane

I realized that umhlaba mubi when a friend said "asingalwi nabelungu namhlanje" as we were meeting up. Inkinga kwakungesiwo amazwi akhe, kodwa isimo sempilo abantu abamnyama abaphila ngaphansi kwaso eNingizimu Afrika entsha. What my friend was saying is that he had enough of confronting racism each time we went out. Phela standing up to racism on a daily basis is exhausting. Ngiyakutshela wena, abelungu abezwa mshini. Uma uveza ukuthi banobandlululo ungazithola sewugcine uxolisile ngenxa yokuveza lokhu. 

Lokhu singakufanisa nabantu besifazane, ikakhulu laba ababizwa ngamafeminist. Bahlala besikhumbuza ukuthi abesifazane basacindezeleke kanjani kodwa asifuni ukubezwa, ngoba asifuni ukushintsha. I once wrote an article on how the biggest beneficiaries of virginity testing were men. In this article I tried to highlight how the justification of such practices happened within a patriarchal framing of society. Ingcindezi abantu besifazane abangaphansi kwayo emakhaya, emisebenzini, kuma-relationship abo kanye nabesilisa, emphakathini wonkana, engalweni yomthetho; yenza babenolaka. Ulaka lwabo silushaya indiva ngoba sithi banesicefe, sithi ba-emotional. Siyahluleka ukubezwa uma bekhala. We get caught up in tone-policicing that we don't hear what they are raising. Lalela, ayikho indlela enhle yokufa. Uma ubhekene nokufa wenza noma yini ukuze ukugweme. When you are dying you do anything to keep your life. The same logic can be be applied in understanding Black women's experiences and expressions in present day South Africa. 

Lokhu kusho ukuthini? 

Akufanele ukuthi siyeke ukulwa nobandlululo. The fight to do away with white supremacy must be continued vigorously. We cannot allow ourselves to internalize the inhumane behavior we receive ezandleni zabamhlophe. Lokhu kusenza siphathe abesifazane ngesihluku esifana naleso abelungu abasiphethe ngaso. Asiyeke ukudicilela phansi izinhlangano zabantu besifazane ezifana nefeminist movement, ngoba uma senza njalo, sizibuyisela emuva. Kufanele sikhumbule ukuthi uma sifuna inkululeko then we should all be black feminists.

Abantu besifazane abamnyama kufanele sibadedele kube yibona abasitshengisa indlela eya enkululekweni, njengoba benza ngama-1950s. Kufanele amaphimbo abo kube iwona alalelwayo ukuze noma ikuphi esikwenzayo okuyimizamo yenkululeko, sikwenze ngendlela ezokwenza lonke ilunga lo mphakathi lihlomule ngokulinganayo ezinhlelweni zokuletha ushintsho nentuthuko. Black women are the best people to lead the fight against racism and sexism, because they are the most affected group. We must follow their lead if we are to win this fight. Any efforts of leading society towards emancipation that does not embody the needs of Black women are counter-revolutionary.

Yebo, umhlaba mubi. Kodwa akupheli lapho. Thina esiphilayo sinenselelo ukuthi mhla sifa, sife ikhona indima noma igalelo esibenalo ekwenzeni ukuthi umhlaba ube indawo engcono.